Beguiled
by stateofgraces
Summary: SHE WAS SMART ENOUGH TO NOT BELIEVE; BUT WAS TOO IN LOVE, SHE WAS DECEIVED.


**ONE.**

I took at long sip of my latte as I read the last chapter of Looking for Alaska. It's been a year since I last saw Carter – breathing, smiling. He was killed the night we went on to his parents' house. His body was found on his bedroom floor, lying lifeless. No evidence that may lead to the suspect's identity was found, just his body and a suicide note, a suicide note that I constantly reread for weeks. I still don't believe it was a suicide. He never mentioned anything that may have been the cause for the suicide. Sometimes, I wonder why they take the people you love away from you – more often than not, permanently. Well, trough always comes after a crest. When we're already at the top, we have nowhere else to go but down. Our love was perfect but ended so soon. It was like a rose that was starting to bloom, but was cut too soon.

I was distracted when James, my best friend for three years, called me.

"Yes?" I asked.

"Uhm, I just wanted to ask if you're fine," he said.

"Yeah, I'm good. I just dropped by the cemetery to visit Carter," I explained. He paused for a while, probably because he didn't know what to say.

"Oh, yeah, it's his death anniversary today, right?" he asked.

I flinched when I heard him say death.

"Ugh, yes, it is," I answered. I blankly stared at the book I was holding.

Every bad memory came rushing back when I heard that word – Carter's mom's phone call saying he was dead, the suicide note, how I rushed to his house that night, the funeral, literally everything.

"Hey, Kate, are you still there? Hello? Kate?" I realized he was still on the phone.

"Yes. Um bye, I need to go. See you soon."

I closed my book and headed to my car. I drove home. I needed time to think. I still didn't believe it was a suicide. He wasn't that kind of person who would kill himself just because of a problem he couldn't solve. I mean, he has friend, he has a family, and he has me.

"Why?!" I realized I was already screaming my thoughts when my dad knocked on my car window. I didn't even realize I was already home. I was lost in these questions in my mind. I ran upstairs, to my bedroom, and locked the door. I turned up the music, making sure no one would hear me crying.

_**two days later**_

The sound of my phone ringing woke me up. It was already 9 am. I got up and checked who texted me. It was James.

"Let's hang out today. I'll be there at 10 am to pick you up."

"FUCK!" I yelled. I rushed to the bathroom. Gosh, I look horrible.

"Honey, are you okay?" I heard my mom yell from downstairs.

"Yes mom. And I won't be here for lunch. I'll be going out with James."

I took my clothes off and headed straight to the shower. The water was freezing cold; I didn't mind because I need to hurry up and get dressed.

James got here at 10:15. I was sitting at the couch mindlessly changing the tv channel.

"Hey." I greeted.

He stared at me for a few seconds and said, "You look absolutely beautiful."

"Thank you! So.. Let's go?" I said.

He put his hand on my back as we walked to his car. He opened the door for me, just like what a gentleman would do. Or what someone who wants to impress you would do.

"So, where do you want to go?" he asked.

"Um, I really don't know. I mean, you're the one who had this idea of hanging out. You decide." I replied.

He started the car, without knowing where to go. I turned the radio on.

"Hey," he said randomly.

"What?"

"I really like you."

"Well, thank you.. I guess." I replied. I turned up the volume to make the awkward atmosphere go away.

_**hours later**_

"Thanks for the treat!" we bade farewell to each other.

I opened the front door quietly, trying not to wake my parents up. I was surprised when I found out that mom is still awake.

"How's your day, honey?" My mom asked.

"Why are you still awake?" I asked, even though I already knew the reason why.

"It's the finale of my favorite TV series and I can't afford to miss it!" My mom exclaimed.

"Yeah, right."

I was really tired that night. I went upstairs, changed my clothes and hopped to my bed. I was already falling asleep when I noticed something.

"MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!" I screamed. My drawer is open. I looked inside just to find that the Carter's suicide note is gone.

"What's the matter, sweetie?" she said calmly, as if she didn't know what was happening. My dad never entered my room; only my mom. Who else would enter my room? My little brother is just 4 years old, and what would he do with a suicide note, anyway?

"Where is Carter's note?!" I yelled at her face, "mom, you know it's very dear to me! I can't lose it. It's the only memory of Carter that I have."

"But honey, you nee-"

"No. Give it back to me!" I shouted, "Please, mom," this time, I begged. I was already on my knees..

I was crying, I can't lose that note. Then I noticed my mom searching for something in her pocket. She pulled her hand out, holding the note.

I stood up to hug her, "I love you, mom."

"Honey, let me tell you this. Love is like a bird. There will come a time that you have to let it go. If it comes back, then it's meant for you. But if it doesn't, then just let it go." She told me.

"BUT HE'S NOT COMING BACK!" I yelled. The thought of Carter not coming back hurts me the most. I loved him more than anything else in this world. I just can't imagine my future without him. A year has passed but nothing has changed. I still love him like how I loved him before. I don't even know if this feeling will change.

"That's my point, kate. He's not coming back anymore, so just let him go. I'm sorry, I just couldn't think of a better way to break it to you." I let go of her. I went straight to bed.


End file.
